


Hitting Restart

by LovelyLittleGrim



Series: Anew [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Awkward, First Date, First Kiss, M/M, hand holding, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23392414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLittleGrim/pseuds/LovelyLittleGrim
Summary: Buck’s side of the fic “Begin Again”.Buck swipes right when he sees Josh’s pic on a popular dating app. He never thought that Josh would swipe right on him as well, or message him. He also never thought that it would all lead to something so precious.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Josh Russo
Series: Anew [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687300
Comments: 11
Kudos: 187





	Hitting Restart

**Author's Note:**

> No one asked for this but here’s bucks side of the story anyway. 
> 
> I do suggest reading the first one. For one thing it’s better than this, it also has more insight to the messages.

Putting yourself out there after being hurt is a big step. Buck’s known love once and once only but it was enough to show him that it’s something worth looking for again. He tried after Abby. Sort of. Maddie had said it was all transference or something like that—because he was drawn to red heads that looked a lot like his ex. Buck doesn’t want to say that Maddie was right but he knows she definitely wasn’t wrong.

So, he’s trying again. And, yeah, maybe the apps he’s got downloaded on his phone aren’t the best places to try and find a meaningful connection but it’s not like Buck really has a lot of time these days. There’s four of them, all hidden away in a folder because there’s no way Chimney or Maddie—or anyone he knows actually—wouldn’t say something about them all. Especially, the grinder one because.... yeah, that’s solely for hook ups, Buck knows that.

He swipes a lot, mostly left, but sometimes right. It’s hard to tell a lot about a person using just a picture. Buck doesn’t know who said that they’re worth a thousand words but Buck doesn’t see it. Well, not until Josh’s photo comes across his screen.

Buck already knew that Josh is his type. A little shorter than himself, Bright smile, smart and witty and understanding about the job and life Buck leads. Buck doesn’t need a thousand words or pictures to decide to swipe right. It’s a done deal.

It does take a little digging to get to Josh’s profile because they don’t get matched but eventually he gets there with what little he actually knows about Josh. When he sees the date Josh’s profile has listed he feels an odd swell of pride in his chest. It’s only a week and a half old. Which means that Josh is trying again—means that he’s taking a huge leap. Buck is proud and impressed and worried all at once.

He’s not supposed to know about Josh but it wasn’t hard to figure out.

Maddie had been so rattled a few months ago and had had a big talk with Buck about dating sites and being safe and homophobic assholes preying on unsuspecting men. After seeing the healing bruises on Josh’s face the next weekend as Maddie’s it hadn’t been hard to put it together. Buck isn’t the smartest tool in the shed but he’s not entirely dim.

So seeing Josh trying again— it gives Buck hope and a little bit of courage himself.  


* * *

Buck’s no stranger to waking up to messages on his phone from people who want in his pants—this morning isn’t any exception. There’s two messages from men who want to be his daddy and three more using some cheesy pickup line that bordering on creepy. Old buck would have gone with it, would have responded with something just as flirty and offered to meet up with them before work or during lunch. 

New Buck just slides through and deletes them one by one, laughing every now and then at some of the things they say. He stops when he sees a familiar name attached to one of the messages. Josh Russo. 

Buck opens the message and snorts out a quiet laugh after reading it. They must have matched otherwise there’s no way that josh would know Buck swipes right on him which means Josh swipes right on him too. 

Buck grins to himself as he types out a response that lets josh know Buck knows he swiped right too. 

* * *

He’s trying to talk Eddie into letting him have half of his muffin because he forgot breakfast when his phone chimes in his pocket letting him know he just received a message. 

“You should check that,” Eddie says before shoving the rest of the muffin into his mouth.

“Asshole,” Buck grumbles as he fumbles out his phone and unlocks it with a swipe of his finger.

Eddie shrugs at him, cheeks puffed out as he chews smugly.

Buck rolls his eyes and opens the dating app. He’s not expecting a response from Josh but that’s what’s waiting for him. He huffs out a quiet laugh and rolls his eyes when Eddie peeks down at his phone curiously. 

“Is that a dating app?” Eddie asks.

“No,” Buck lies without any real conviction as he responds to Josh’s message.

“If the shoe fits,” Eddie says out-loud, watching as he types. He pauses, brows furrowing and then, “wait, isn’t that your sisters friend?”

Buck looks up at him and then over at the table where Chim and Hen are. “Yeah.”

Eddie follows his gaze. “Chim will definitely tell Maddie if he finds out your sexting her best friend.”

“We’re not sexting,” Buck tells him. “This is like, the second message he’s sent me.”

“What was the first?”

“He accused me of mixing up my left and right.”

Eddie shakes his head. “You can’t say that’s never happened before.”

“That was one time—“

“Still happened.”

“Yeah, well I meant to swipe right on him,” Buck grumbles at him, attention going back to his phone when it chimes with a response. He reads over it quickly and tries not to look as confused as he feels by the words on the screen.

“What did he say?” Eddie asks curiously so Buck shows him and Eddie laughs. “Frolicking. I didn’t know people actually used that word.”

“Me either,” Buck says, brows still furrowed in thought. “What’s a sweet summer child? Is that a compliment or an insult?”

Eddie shrugs at him, one hand clapping him on the shoulder. “How should I know.”

He leaves Buck to fend for himself which unfortunately isn’t for very long because the bell rings and it’s time to roll out. He shoots Josh a laughing emoji though so it doesn’t seem like he’s ignoring him after that last message. He’ll have to ask Maddie later what a sweet summer child is—he’s pretty sure he heard her use it before.  


* * *

An insult. Not a bad one or even particularly mean, but Buck knows what it is now thanks to Maddie’s game of thrones education as provided by Chim. 

He decides to wait until morning to message Josh but when he opens the app he realizes he doesn’t actually know what to say. Every other time he’s message people on this app—or others—it had been a pick up line or an agreeable response to a pick up line. This is neither. 

He decides honesty is the best policy and that someone like Josh would probably appreciate that. So, he tells Josh that he had to ask Maddie what the phrase meant. 

_ And? _

The response is instant, like maybe Josh has been waiting or— maybe he was already on the app talking to someone else...

Buck frowns at the little knot of worry that ties itself in his stomach at the thought but doesn’t let it change his response. 

_And I think you're insulting my taste in men. So, I’ve decided I’m going to be offended about this._

He’s not really offended for himself but offended on Josh’s behalf for the guy not thinking that he’s Buck’s type. Because he is. Buck’s always liked the smart ones with pretty faces and Josh is just that—and more. 

The conversation almost makes him late for work, distracting him until the last possible second he has to leave his apartment. Josh’s last message sticks in his mind the entire drive to the fire station.

Not fun, Buck thinks with a snort, eyes rolling. He’s super fun. Everyone thinks so. He thinks of several responses but none of them sound good enough to send. He’s never worried so much about how he should reply to a message on a dating app before. It’s hit or miss on those things and bucks never cared any one way until now. He wants josh to think he’s funny and smart too. Worth his time. Buck actually wants to be worth Josh’s time. Not just seem like he is.

He gets the idea from Eddie.

“Great,” Buck says and points at him with finger guns. “You have to say I’m fun though, no jokes, man.”

Eddie rolls his eyes as he moves towards the stairs. “Yeah yeah, I’ll say you’re fun Buck.”

“Thanks man.” Buck claps his hands together excitedly before running them through his hair to make sure it doesn’t look stupid.

He starts the video three separate times and deletes it before sucking in a breath and trying again. He’s got it this time, voice not too loud or too low.

“Here’s your proof that I’m fun and everyone thinks so. Prepare to be amazed, Josh.” 

The first result does not go so well. Buck makes a face at Chimney. There’s no way he’s cleaning the rig today just to prove he’s fun. Chimney shrugs at him, face slipping into an easy smile. Buck rolls his eyes and sees Eddie walking past the table with a cup of coffee. At least Buck can count on his best friend to talk him up and make him look good.

Eddie says he’s fun just like he promised he would but the victory is short lived when he hears Hen day he’s funny looking. He shoots her a look of devastation that makes her eyes rolls and her lips twitch. She doesn’t give in to the fact that he’s fun but instead tells buck all the reasons he’s not.

He’s declared a no fun zone by everyone except Eddie but it’ll have to do. He doesn’t know what else to say to prove he’s fun and, well, he doesn’t want the conversation with Josh to end yet. He sends the video before he can over think it all as they ride out to a call.

“Sending it to your friend?” Chimney asks curiously.

Buck slides the phone hurriedly into his pocket, face going oddly warm. “Yeah.”

Chimney waggles his brows. “Is it a special friend?”

“Buck wishes it was,” Eddie teases across from them.

“Oh,” chimney looks instantly intrigued. “Is someone actually playing hard to get for you?” 

Buck rolls his eyes and kicks at Eddie’s shin. “Shut up. We’re just...” he trails off and gives a helpless little shrug because he doesn’t actually know what they are. It’s not friends, not really, they don’t actually know each other. They’ve met a handful of times at Maddie’s place for games but that’s it other than their so far small amount of banter.

“So I shouldn’t tell Maddie to congratulate you any time soon?” Chimney asks.

Buck groans when both Chimney and Eddie break out into laughter.   
  


* * *

Weeks go by and Josh never stops responding to all of Buck’s stupid messages. And some of them are high key dumb, like the argument about apple pie. He’s still confused about why Josh agreed to give Buck his number just so he could continue talking about how great apple pie is. He doesn’t regret it thought.

The text messages feel different than the DM’s. They’re more personal. They argue still—because Buck likes the big words that Josh uses and the way he’s so good at getting his point across— but less than they had on the app. They talk about using dating apps and how hard it is to find actual connections in LA instead of just hookups. They talk about their worst hookups, the most awkward ones (like the time when one of Buck’s dates had gotten the condom stuck in his braces) the ones that started great and ended horribly. Josh tells Buck about the assault. It’s worse than Buck had thought and he’s furious for several long minutes until he realizes that he’s stopped texting just so he can breath through the anger.

He’s careful with his response. Makes it simultaneously serious and light and then moves away from the conversation entirely to keep Josh’s mind away from the shitty date. He breathes a lot easier when Josh continues talking to him for serval more hours—lets him know he’s made the right choices in how he had responded.

He knows Josh has fallen asleep when midnight hits and the texts suddenly stop. He lays in bed awake for a long time hoping that Josh doesn’t have any nightmares tonight, like he had the night before. He wonders how Josh sleeps, if he curls up on his side or if he splays out across the whole bed. It makes him grin in the dark of his room to think about how Josh is probably one of those people that hogs the blanket. Which is a problem because Buck is that type of person too.

Which is another problem because Buck shouldn’t assume that they’re ever going to share a bed. They’ve never talked about being anything. Never made any moves. Sure, the conversations have gotten pretty flirty at times but they’ve never talked about how they actually got started talking. They both swiped right. That’s got to mean something. Buck really wants it to mean something. 

* * *

“You’re being weird,” Hen tells him as they wash dishes together.

“You really know how to cut a guy when he’s already been cut,” Buck tells her. He’s pretty sure that’s not the saying at all but it works.

Hen snorts. “Who cut you first?”

“No one,” Buck says as he scrubs hard at a plate.

“Mmhmm,” Hen hums disbelievingly. She stops drying the large salad bowl to look at him. “Come on, tell me what’s up.”

Buck looks over his shoulder, making sure no one else is close—especially Chimney. “There’s... I like someone. A lot. I don’t know what to do about it.” 

“Ask her out.”

“Him,” Buck says glancing over to see Hen’s reaction. It’s not exactly known but Buck’s also never tried to hide it.

Hen blinks in surprise and then wrinkles her nose, one wet hand pointing at him. “It’s not Eddie is it because you two would be too insufferable if you dated and I won’t allow it.”

“We’d be amazing as a couple,” Buck scoffs, “but no it’s someone else.” 

“Have you tried asking him out? That’s usually how it works, Buck,” Hen says stealing the plate that Buck is still scrubbing away at. “If he says no then he says no. Doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends with him.”

Buck chews at the inside of his cheek. Hen’s right. Just because Josh says no to a date doesn’t mean he’s saying no to still being friends. They can still talk. Buck doesn’t have to lose him completely if it doesn’t go how he wants it to go.

He nods, shoulder bumping into Hen lightly. “Thanks.”

* * *

“How do you feel about double dates?”

Maddie blinks at him in surprise, steps coming to a stop just in front of him. 

“Hello to you too, Buck,” she says with fond exasperation and wiggles her fingers at him to get him to hand over the Lunch she’d forgotten in Chimney’s car that morning.

“Yeah, hey,” Buck says back as he holds out her lunch. “I’m serious though, we should have a double date. Soon. Like really soon.”

Maddie takes the bag from Buck’s hand and tilts her head to the side thoughtfully. “Chim is off at six and so am I, we could do it tonight.” 

Nodding, Buck says, “yeah, that sounds good. We can play poker at my place,” like he hadn’t already planned it all out in his head a million times over the last two weeks.

He looks nervously over at the sliding doors where Maddie works, eyes flicking around the room full of operators for a familiar face. He doesn’t see Josh though. He’s probably on break like Maddie.

“If he actually agrees to go out with me,” Buck mumbles absently to himself.

Maddie pokes him in the shoulder with one sharp finger. “You want to go on a double date but you haven’t even asked the person you’re interested in—which I knew you were talking to someone—I even mentioned it to Josh earlier.” She grins at him happily.

“Josh?” Buck feels himself go warm as he rubs the spot on his shoulder Maddie had poked. “You told Josh? Why would you tell Josh?”

She shrugs. “It was really just an observation. He’s been really into someone lately and I mentioned that you seemed interested in someone too.”

“Oh,” Buck says as casually as he can. He knows Maddie won’t care but he’s not sure how to bring up the fact that he’s crushing hard on her best friend. “Is he working today?”

“Yeah, we have the same shift.” Maddie says, she glances at her watch. “Speaking of shift, I have to go, breaks over soon. Thanks for bringing my lunch, Buck.”

“Yeah,” Buck says with one last look towards the office space. “No problem.”

He catches sight of familiar brown hair heading for the side of the room where Buck knows they keep the coffee. He flushes and stumbles back from the glass sliding doors with a quick wave at his sister. “I’ll call you later if he agrees.”

Maddie snorts. “Okay.

Buck takes the elevator down to the ground floor of the building and then stays in the lobby. He thinks about texting the question for half a second before dismissing the idea. Josh deserves more than just a text asking him out. He’s not some hook up Buck is scheduling. Still, gathering the courage to call Josh takes him serval long moments but when he does there’s no going back. When Josh doesn’t instantly answer he worries that maybe Josh’s break has ended and he’s missed his chance until..

“Hello?” Josh’s voice is breathy like he’s nervous or excited.

When Buck speaks he keeps his voice low. The receptionist is already giving him a weird look and he doesn’t want her to hear him awkwardly ask his crush out on a date. “I have it on good authority that your off at six.”

Josh is smart so he knows who the authority is as soon as the words leave Buck’s mouth. Buck laughs and tries to sounds mysterious about it. He knows it doesn’t work though. He doesn’t mind. He’s too nervous about what’s he’s about to do.

He wants to make it clear that there’s no pressure on a positive answer. He hopes Josh understand that they can still be friends even if he says no. It’ll suck but Buck will learn to deal with it. “So... listen. I called because I want to ask something. You can say no if you want, no pressure.” 

“What’s the question?”

“Go out with me.” It just blurts itself out. Buck covers his face with one hand and holds back the urge to groan at himself. It didn’t even come out as a question. He can feel the receptionists eyes on him, judging. He should have gone to his car to do this.

“On a date?” Josh asks and it sounds unsure. Like he thinks he’s misreading everything.

“Yeah. Tonight, about 7:30?” 

There’s a long pause and then a hesitate start to a sentence before josh trails off.

Buck gets it. He would be hesitant too. Josh has already proved how strong he is, how brave, by just being on that datingapp. He knows that he’s asking Josh to be a little braver by doing this. He knows he’s asking Josh to put a lot of trust in him. Buck also knows that he will do everything he can to deserve and keep that trust if Josh let’s him.

“It’s casual,” Buck says softly, coaxing more than demanding. He doesn’t want to sound pushy or like there’s no escape for Josh. He wants josh to know that he gets it. That he understands why he’s hesitant. “Other people, well lit, and you can leave at any time you want.” 

When Josh says yes Buck feels like he’s been handed something precious.

That feeling sticks with him all the way to his car and the store where he stops to buy peach cobbler for the date and then it follows him home. He hopes it never leaves. 

* * *

Maddie and Chimney show up together before Josh which is exactly how Buck had planned it. He knows how much Josh trusts his sister—they’d talked about it, about how Buck was lucky to have a sibling like her. He hopes her presence here will make this first date easier, hopes it’ll let Josh relax and have fun without any bad thoughts intruding. Because he deserves it.

“You look nervous,” Maddie says as she sets out the various boxes of take-out in the counter. “I’ve never seen you this nervous.”

Chimney looks over at them and nods. “He was nervous with Abby too but this is a while other level.”

Maddie plucks at his shirt. “You’re sweating.”

Buck knows that. He’s just worried about this going well.

There’s a chime of his phone and Buck let’s out a soft curse when he sees the text saying Josh is here. Maddie laughs and says she’ll buzz him in while buck runs up stairs to change.

“You’re the best,” he drops a kiss to her head and then rushes up the stairs to his dresser for a shirt.

He’s got it halfway on when he hears Maddie’s confused greeting to Josh. He’d forgot to make time to tell her who was coming over. Well, no time like the present, he thinks and jumps down the last two steps.

* * *

He’s losing, so fucking badly, at this game but Josh is laughing and that’s way more important that a few twenty dollar bills heading his sisters way.

“Are you getting worse?” Josh asks, hand brushing Buck’s elbow. “Is that possible?”

“I’m playing the long game,” Buck says throwing him a wink. 

Josh snorts. “Yeah? I don’t think it’s working out for you.”

“Just wait and see, I’m going to win this hand.” Buck declares and lays down his cards. 

Maddie curses across the table and for a second Buck thinks he’s won until Chimney shows his cards. “Sorry Buckley. Royal flush.”

“Which means,” Maddie says slowly a wide smile on her face, “you didn’t win a single round.” 

Chimney laughs head shaking, “looks like josh has to dump you now.”

Josh snorts out a laugh around his cup of water when Buck tosses a handful of popcorn at Chimneys head and says he’s the worst wingman ever.

“I don’t think you need a wingman when you already won a first date,” Maddie says.

“That’s the only thing he’s won tonight,” Chimney says with a quick flash of a smile as he pushes away from the table and Buck’s kicking feet. He holds out a hand to Maddie to help her out of her chair.

Buck pushes up to. He’ll get Chim back later, maybe at work. If he gets there early enough he can tell Hen about the date before Chimney gets to. It’ll steal Chimney’s chance to make him sound like a dork. 

“We should get going, I didn’t realize it was so late,” Maddie says as she takes Chimney’s outstretched hand. She smiles at Buck, eyes flicking over to Josh and then back again, “this was fun.”

“Yeah,” Josh agrees easily as he stands up too.

Buck feels the warmth of the words sink into his stomach. Josh had fun tonight. Which was easy to see just by looking at him, all easy laughter and gentle touches to Buck’s arm and his leg between rounds of poker. He had been comfortable, he had felt safe. Buck holds on to that knowledge as he walks Josh out, the only available parking around here is a block down the road and there’s no way he’s letting Josh walk it alone. 

* * *

Josh is the one to reach for Bucks hand as they step outside of the apartment building, his warm fingers tangling with Buck’s like they belong there. Buck is thrilled, let’s their hands sway together between them as they walk down the street.

They’re going slow. Slower than Buck usually walks and he’s sure it’s slower than Josh normally walks too. He wonders if josh realizes that. If it’s on purpose or a subconscious desire. It makes his lips pull up into a smile that he tries to hide by looking up at the seemingly empty sky. He’s not ready for this night to end but they’re getting closer to Josh’s car.

It’s too soon by normal dating standards to ask for a second date. Buck knows that but he wants to.

“I know this date technically isn’t over yet but is it too soon to ask you on a second date?” He winces are himself when his voice comes out louder than he meant, bursting from him in his nervous need.

Buck needs the clarification. Not because he’s stupid but because he really does need to know if this is something that Josh actually wants.

The smile josh gives him is so soft and wide, eyes drinking at the corners as he laughs. He tugs at Bucks hand, getting him to start walking again. “Yeah. It’s a yes.”

Too soon they’re at the car, the door open and the car keys in Josh’s hands. He toys with them, looking nervous beneath the bright orange street lamps as he leans against the car.

“Thank you for tonight. It was the best date I’ve been on,” Josh admits quietly, eyes meeting Buck’s.

Buck’s mind is already coming up with a thousand different date ideas to make the next one even better. He wants to see this look on Josh’s face again—forever maybe.

Buck shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out to touch the curve of Josh’s cheek where his smile creases. “So far, wait until you see what I have planned for date number two.”

“Skydiving?” Josh asks teasingly. “Caviar in a castle? It’s got to be pretty big to top this.” 

Buck laughs. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Buck keeps swaying into Josh’s space, his body seeking out Josh’s warmth, and he makes himself sway back. He doesn’t want to make Josh feel caged in or like he can’t get away. He smiles lightly and opens his mouth to tell Josh goodnight but before he can get the words out Josh is speaking.

“Is it too soon to ask you to kiss me?” The question is so quiet that Buck almost misses it and for a moment he thinks he almost imagined it but josh is staring at him with wide expectant eyes, lips lightly parted.

Buck’s mouth feels like it’s gone dry. He searches Josh’s face carefully. “Not if you really want me to.”

It’s Josh that sways in closer, chest brushing against Buck’s, warm even through their clothes and heart beating a hundred miles a minute.

“I do.”

Josh’s lips are soft and sweet beneath his. There’s no hesitancy, just trust. The feeling of being given something precious sinks into Buck’s chest deeper than before. He wants to keep it safe, treasure it always.

Putting yourself out there after you’ve been hurt is scary but it’s worth it when you find something like this. 

**Author's Note:**

> No one asked for this but here it is anyway.
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://lovelylittlegrim.tumblr.com)


End file.
